Carl's Amsterdam Guide

So You Want To Go To Amsterdam...

Mon, 10 Aug 2009 21:39:00 GMT

So You Want To Go To Amsterdam...

Here are some general tips about Amsterdam:

• Before you leave the US, you'll have to get a passport. When you do get one, make a photocopy of it. Upon arrival in Amsterdam, put the real passport in the safe in your hotel room, and carry the photocopy around with you. This will avoid the sticky issue of having your passport lifted by a sneaky pickpocket and your identity stolen, or worse used in some international criminal or terroristic scheme.

•   Pickpockets, you say? Yeah, they have pickpockets... and drug dealers, and street crime just like any major world city. That being said, Amsterdam is really very safe. Keep your wits about you, and you'll be fine.

•   What about the Red Light district? Well, I'll cover that issue in a different heading... but, yes... prostitution is legal in the Netherlands.

•   And I've heard that pot is legal, is that true? Well, technically, it's not true that marijuana products are legal... they're just tolerated in small amounts. And, yes... I'll cover more on that scene in a different heading.

•   Amsterdam is a relatively small city... you can walk across the main center of town in about a half hour. That's not to say that it's easy to get around. Amsterdam's Old World layout laughs at the design of the "normal grid" style of American cities. And since Amsterdam's streets are governed by a "ring like" canal system, it can get pretty confusing, and therefore lots of fun to explore.

This picture is a daytime shot of one of the canals in the Red Light District. More on that later!

Get a Map...

Mon, 10 Aug 2009 22:07:00 GMT

The best piece of advice I can give you before you get started is to get a map. A good map. And keep it with you at all times. There's a couple good sources, and your local book shop or Amazon.com can probably help you out.

The DK book is really helpful, but it's mostly "proper" info. In other words, you're not going to get a lot of stuff about the hash bars and the prostitutes in the Red Light District. But, in my opinion, those two things are NOT the only reason you should head to this great city. So, you'll want some good information about restaurants, museums, the public transportation system, etc.

The Lonely Planet map is a great tool, and since it's laminated it'll totally hold up to whatever you throw at it (spilled beer, burning spliff, drenching downpour, etc.). I carry that map with me wherever I go.

You can find both these things at your local bookstore, if the store worth a damn... or through Amazon.com .

Where to stay...

Tue, 02 Feb 2010 16:39:00 GMT

Amsterdam has tons of hotel rooms, and you're bound to find one that fits your style, and perhaps your budget. The first thing to know is this: all hotel rooms in Amsterdam are small. Count on it. That also means that your bed will probably be small, or at least smaller than you'd expect. Accept it... get used to it... and stop bitching. Honestly, you're not travelling to Amsterdam to hang out in your hotel room... so a small room should really be just fine for you.

During our live broadcasts from Amsterdam we stayed at the following hotels:

The Marriot on Stadhouderskade (that's a street name)
The Barbizon across from the Central Station
The SAS Radisson on Rusland Strasse

At other times in my life I've parked my ass at:

The American Hotel near the Leidsplein
The Kraznapolsky on Dam Square
The Mercure Arthur Frommer
Hotel Inntel on Nieuwezijds Kolk (stayed here on my most recent trip, the breakfast choices aren't the best, but you can't beat the location of this hotel!)

Any one of these places is just fine... and most other hotels that are 3 stars or above will be just fine for you. Try to stay off a busy street called "Damrak", it's loud and most of the hotels on that street are flea bags.

Just about anywhere in the City Center will put you in close proximity to great bars, coffeeshops, museums, restaurants, clubs, and other points of interest. My suggestion is to hit the web... Orbitz, Hotels.com or hotels.nl, Expedia, etc. to find the best price you can. If you've got a specfic comment on a hotel, please post it... or if you've got a specific question... feel free to email me.

There's also a bunch of youth hostels in Amsterdam that cater to young people travelling through Europe. These are a great choice, if you're younger and don't mind a group sleeping arrangement and a shared bathroom.

What about the Red Light District?

Tue, 02 Feb 2010 16:34:00 GMT

Amsterdam's Red Light District is situated in the oldest part of the city. In fact, the area is called "Ouid Zijds" which means "Old City", I think. And it's in this oldest part of the city that the worlds oldest profession thrives. Truth be told, there are actually three different Red Light Districts, but it all started in the Old City. The other two areas are much smaller... one is near the Singel canal, and the other is in an area of Amsterdam called the "Pijp".

Legend has it that back in "the day" whenever a prostitute was found working outside the designated area, she'd be marched back to the RLD in a public fashion.

Prostitutes are generally working from late morning until the early morning hours... but not all are available all the time. For them, this is a job and they've got other things to do in their lives other than turning tricks. Some of them are Dutch citizens putting themselves through school... or bankrolling for retirement, others are foreigners with visas, and yet others are actual sex slaves. The ugly business of human trafficing does exist in Amsterdam, and it's a real problem in some cases. The only way to be sure that you're not supporting that sort of thing is to not go to a "window girl". The Dutch government has recently taken some steps to prevent human trafficing, but it's still a real problem.

All that being said, any kind of woman is available in the Red Light District... young, old, tall, short, big, small, black, white.... got the picture? You might wander these streets and think to yourself the same thing I did; which was, "none of these women are very attractive" (hey, what can I say... I've got high standards!). Of course, seek and ye shall find.

But should one of them strike your fancy, here's how the whole thing will go down. You'll walk up to her window and begin the transaction. Be very specific about what you want to do with her, if you want her to be wearing nothing at all... or whatever. Why should you be very specific? Because if you're not, she'll want to charge you more when you say, "Aren't you going to take off your bra?" Just about everything is negotiable in the RLD, except for one thing: They will always make you use a condom (for their protection and yours). The general price that everything starts at is 50euro for 15 minutes. Any extra time costs more.

There's another whole scene when it comes to brothels. Over there they're called "Privihuis" (think 'private house'). Most "privehuizen" are in normal Amsterdam neighborhoods, and almost all are have some kind of red light around their doorway. Privehuizen tend to be quieter and "less public" than just walking the streets of the RLD. You'll be welcomed at the door by the madamme (no kidding!), she'll bring you to a room with a couch, perhaps offer you a beverage and then leave. After that the available prostitutes will enter the room one by one and introduce themselves. The madamme will return, you'll tell her which one tickles your fancy... make your payment and then be escorted to a room where you can... well, you get the idea. If none of the girls meet your specific interest, just tell her that you're not interested and you can leave, no harm done.

There is a website you might want to check out if you're seriously considering hooking up with a hooker in Amsterdam... here's a link: IGNATZMICE DOT COM.

What about the pot scene?

Tue, 02 Feb 2010 16:32:00 GMT

First off, pot is NOT legal in Amsterdam. That's right... it's NOT legal. You see the Dutch have the ability to look beyond the American concept of criminalizing things... and in this case they take the approach that if you're only using it for yourself and not purchasing or transporting huge quanities... then they'll tolerate the use of small amounts of pot, hash, and other psychedelic stuff like mushrooms. (FYI: yes, it's real hash. Not tar.) What's this mean in real terms? It means vacation just got a lot more relaxed!

WARNING: READ THIS BEFORE YOU CONTINUE: The stuff you'll get in Amsterdam is really, really high quality. You think you get good stuff? You ain't seen nothin' yet. Take this piece of advice to heart: GO SLOW! If you overdo it on the first day, you will regret it. I've seen it too many times. People in my party will go out on the first day and smoke everything in sight, only to find that they can't handle it... and spend about 3 days coming back down in their hotel room. Remember this little tid bit: Life is too short to pass out before you're due. Take it slow. Enjoy the fact that you can acutally purchase the stuff in a controlled, acceptable social situation.

Ok, here's the basics: Marijuana products are sold in places called "Coffeeshops". Don't ask me why they're called that... they just are. I'll tell you some of my favorite coffeshops in Amsterdam in a second. Psychedelic products like mushrooms are sold in stores called "Smartshops". Again, don't ask me why. There are so many Coffeeshops in Amsterdam that there's no way you can ever get to all of them on one trip... no, most of the fun is finding the one that suits your taste the most... and then finding another.

Most Coffeeshops will also serve food items (hmmm, got the munchies?) and light beverages. Some used to serve beer, but the Dutch government has restricted beer sales away from places that also sell pot and hash. It's a really good idea to get a beverage wilst enjoying a smoke... you never know when you'll need a bit of warm coffee or fresh squeezed juice to revitalize your senses.

All Coffeeshops will have a counter area where the dealer will be. Usually it's set off from any bar or beverage area. Consider the dealer the equivalent of a wine sommelier... in other words ask him or her what's freshest.. or tell him or her what your plans are for the day and the dealer will suggest something appropriate. There are two basic strains of pot: sativa and indica... both are clearly marked on the Coffeeshop menus. In general, sativa strains will be more of a "up" high and indica strains will be a "heavier" high.

What about hash? Well, technically hash is the rolled or condensed pollen that gets collected during the growing process. Keep in mind that eating hash is a great way to consume without smoking, it just takes a little bit longer to kick in.... and you'll want to keep your dosage small until you know what effect the stuff has on you.

One more thing about marijuana products: beware of the "Space Cake"... they can be suprisingly strong despite being small. Eat them in small bites and see what the effect will be before consuming more.

Much like the Coffeeshops, the Smartshops will have someone who can answer your questions about the psychedelia products they sell. Ask questions! That's why they're there.

I can't claim a lot of experience with the Smartshops... but some of my favorite Coffeeshops in Amsterdam are:

The Rokerij chain (I prefer the one near the "Leidsplein") LINK
Pink Floyd LINK
Rusland
Grey Area LINK
The Greenhouse LINK

There's a few internet websites that provide great resource on the topic of Coffeeshops... some with maps, directions, reviews, etc.

Here's one that's pretty cool.

Here's another.